


as inexhaustible and unpredictable as real human beings

by Princex_N



Series: an eccentric who looks good in jeans [2]
Category: Psych
Genre: (as Autistic. maybe not what the tag is for? but it fits), Ableism, Autism, Autistic Shawn, Coming Out, Disclosure, Drabble, Gen, Implied Autistic Gus, Introspection, Relationship(s), Well-Meaning NTs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 23:44:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16565417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: Sometimes people don't always quite believe that Shawn is autistic. Sometimes they laugh like they're waiting for the punchline, or try to convince him that he's mistaken, or try to guess if he's testing the waters for Gus, or get angry like he's trying to lie.Shawn considers the varying reactions he gets when he tells people he's autistic.





	as inexhaustible and unpredictable as real human beings

**Author's Note:**

> I always knew i was _considering_ writing more for this show, and now we know for sure that i was going to wind up following through! 
> 
> even though it has maybe been three years

Shawn is usually pretty aware of the fact that most people don't expect  _him_ to be autistic. 

Not that he usually  _tells_ anyone. Gus knows because he's Gus, and they've been friends for so long that him not knowing was never an option. A couple of people at the station know because Shawn decided that he liked and saw them enough to mention it. He doesn't really know any other people outside of the police department these days (outside of the criminals they arrest? Which he doesn't think is the  _best_ population to be chatting with, most of the time), so there's not many other people to tell. 

Most of the people who know were pretty cool about it. But every once in a while, Shawn would see their surprise (widened eyes, raised eyebrows, wrinkled forehead, dropped jaw), and even rarer than that does he see their gaze flick questioningly (furrowed eyebrows, pursed lips, narrowed eyes) to Gus. 

If the unspoken question is rare, then the spoken question is even rarer. Shawn never gives them an answer either way. 

(Because maybe he  _did_ bring it up to Gus once, and maybe Gus admitted that he wasn't entirely sure that he  _wasn't_. But he also didn't know if they're his own behaviors or if he picked them up from Shawn just by merit of the fact that they grew up together, and that even if they  _were_ his he didn't know if he  _really_ qualified for a diagnosis, and Shawn isn't insensitive or impulsive enough to press the issue or come up with an answer for Gus when the man hasn't come up with one himself. So, he doesn't worry about it, and never says a word either way.) 

There's usually a very stiff picture of what Autism looks like that people tend to have, whether they've known autistic people before him or not. Shawn doesn't usually fit into those predetermined boxes (in fact, he's been hard pressed to find a box that he  _does_ fit into, most days). 

Because autistic people "Don't Talk", and if they do, they have a monotone voice (Shawn spoke early, stopped for a bit, then started again and proceeded to never shut up. He got his skill with tone and impressions from the hours and hours and hours of repeated movies and echoed lines from when he was growing up). They can't read facial expressions or pick up on changes in tone (skills Shawn learned from his dad. Hours of practice ad insistence until Shawn could read people better than they could read themselves). They can't sit still (alright, so Shawn fits that one), or they  _do_ sit still but they sit and do the same things over and over for hours on end (so, Shawn doesn't sit still, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't  _still_ watch the same movies on repeat and waste hours at a time flicking through Wikipedia articles until it's four in the morning and he's reading about old British racehorses like that's information he needs for his everyday life.) 

They follow all the rules (Shawn follows his own rules, but the rest of them? If they don't make sense to him, then he doesn't see a point in following him. And if they do make sense but he has something more important to get done, then he doesn't see a point in following those either). They're awkward and don't make friends easily (Shawn didn't have friends other than Gus until he was in high school, and even then, he was good at impressing people for a short period of time but can't keep things going long enough for anything solid to form). They have meltdowns (Shawn doesn't have them as often as he used to, but that doesn't mean he never does) and don't have empathy (Shawn can't always relate to people or interact the way they expect, but that doesn't mean he doesn't  _care_ about them). 

So, yeah. Sometimes people don't always quite  _believe_ that Shawn is autistic. Sometimes they laugh like they're waiting for the punchline, or try to convince him that he's mistaken, or try to guess if he's testing the waters for Gus, or get angry like he's trying to lie. 

He's not sure if that's better or worse than the people who treat him differently after they find out. 

People that Shawn has known for years suddenly talking to him slowly, like he won't be able to keep up if they don't. Over-explaining things like metaphors even though Shawn hasn't ever really had an issue with them (getting the phrases  _right_ , on the other hand, can be a little bit more difficult. But hey, maybe he  _has_ heard it both ways this time). Going out of their way to do things for him (like open doors?)

He guesses that their hearts are in the right place (that's usually how Gus puts it, anyway, but Shawn doesn't miss the tight eyes and tilted head of his anger when it happens), but that doesn't change the fact that it's kind of annoying. Especially when he tells them to stop and they keep on doing it, like they know better than him. (Seriously, what is it with the opening doors for him? Do they think he can't figure it out on his own? Won't be able to follow through? Is it the only way they know how to help a Disabled Person? He can't figure it out.) 

Despite all the bullshit, he doesn't usually regret telling people. Because for every one person that suddenly treats him like a kid or stops talking to him because they don't think they know how to act around him anymore, there are more that take it in stride. 

Jewels, doing her own research and not being awkward about asking him questions if she's curious about something (actually taking no for an answer if he tells her he doesn't want to share). The Chief, raising an eyebrow and asking if it affects his work and why was he telling her if it didn't (but, like, in a cool way, not a mean way. Shawn  _can_ tell the difference). Even Lassiter, finding other things about him to complain about and being quietly understanding in his own way when Shawn really  _can't_ do things like a Certified Normal Person (standing up for him if someone else comments on it). 

Gus, who's  _always_ had Shawn's back and has never been weird about any of it (even when Shawn was younger and would have meltdowns over things like fuzzy VHS tapes or would say 'inappropriate' things because his lessons on Observation went quicker than his lessons on What Is and Isn't OK to Talk About Without Prompting, and they got in trouble). 

So, maybe sometimes things could go better. Sometimes he tells people and immediately wishes that he hadn't. 

But sometimes he tells people and they blow past his bracing for a bad reaction in the best way possible. They say and do the right things and actually listen and follow through when he (or Gus) corrects them. 

Maybe things could go a lot better, but that doesn't mean that sometimes they don't go way better than expected. 

He likes to think that those times make the other possibility worth facing. 

**Author's Note:**

> me, frantically scanning articles on facial expressions in human beings: how do Normal People Emote????? 
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


End file.
